In the wee hours of the morning of November 9 Hilary Clinton declared victory. She had won the popular vote handily and the electoral college by a hair’s breadth; the blue firewall held. She smiled and croaked out some platitudes about unity and looking forward. The commentators babbled about barriers being broken, the march of progress, the first African-American president followed by the first woman president. Everyone would try hard not to say what everyone was thinking, that disaster had been avoided. The country, even the Republican Party, would heave a great sigh of relief.
Donald Trump does not concede. He tweets about rigging. He tweets about illegal immigrants voting in vast numbers, about busloads of Mexicans being sneaked across state lines to vote, registered as dead people. Over the next few days he holds “victory rallies” where people chant themselves into a sweating frenzy to “lock her up” while he hints more and more broadly that his supporters should seek Fourth Amendment remedies. His spokesperson won’t elaborate but comments “the founding fathers wrote the fourth amendment for a reason” without clarifying the reason was so the states would not have to depend on a national standing army to defend their open western borders.
As the days go on, Trump changes his story. He actually won both the popular vote and the electoral vote. The dishonest media is reporting a Clinton victory when actually she lost. It’s a coup being covered up by the press. He hints President Obama is behind it and should be held responsible by Fourth Amendment people. He has bought the media with money from Saudi Arabia who want to install a Muslim government. Hilary Clinton may be a secret Muslim. After all, she lied about everything else.
On the day of the inauguration, he holds a separate swearing in—of himself—at Mar a Largo. Interspersed among the rednecks and retirees are the same paid extras who cheered in the lobby of Trump Tower are cheering again on the lawn to make the crowd look younger and more attractive for the cameras. They are surrounded by busboys and maids on a paid break shooed onto the lawn to show Trump is a great friend of the minorities he wants to deport. In his speech, he denies Hillary is the President and calls for red states to secede. He denies she was born in Scranton. “Who really knows?” He denies she’s really a woman.
The press covers it in split screen with the real inauguration. Trump is still good television.
This year, that’s what would have passed for a happy ending.